The Good Marriage: Sex

As I stated last time, today, we are going to take our philosophy of sex and look at it in more practical terms.  I am willing to say that it is downright impossible to speak of sex only in theory.  It must be talked about in real, literal terms.

As the logo to the left suggests, this post is intended for mature audiences only.  In particular, it is intended to be read by people in serious relationships that are on their way to becoming marriages and for those who are already married.  Some things here you may already know, other things may be new.  But I want us to understand the practical implications of a Christian philosophy of sex.

The physical and spiritual, together as one

As I stated previously, sex is indeed spiritual.  But how can this be?  How can something like sex bring us closer to God?

In itself, foreplay, intercourse, and orgasm are nothing more than physical acts that come and go.  Once done they are done.  The spiritual is found in the enjoyment of the event.  When we enjoy the good things that God has given us, we are showing our appreciation to Him for them.  Simply the fact that you are finding pleasure in your beloved is enough.  When sex is used as intended, God is pleased, man is pleased, and woman is pleased.

And this is really the point of sex.  It is not about making babies and filling the earth and subduing it, although that is one of the outcomes of intercourse.  It is more about finding your joy in the joy of your beloved.  Even the ancients understood this.

(Man) Your lips are like a scarlet ribbon;
your mouth is lovely.
Your temples behind your veil
are like the halves of a pomegranate.
Your neck is like the tower of David,
built with elegance;
on it hang a thousand shields,
all of them shields of warriors.
Your two breasts are like two fawns,
like twin fawns of a gazelle
that browse among the lilies.
Until the day breaks
and the shadows flee,
I will go to the mountain of myrrh
and to the hill of incense.
All beautiful you are, my darling;
there is no flaw in you…
(Woman) May the wine go straight to my lover,
flowing gently over lips and teeth.
I belong to my lover,
and his desire is for me.
Come, my lover, let us go to the countryside,
let us spend the night in the villages.
Let us go early to the vineyards
to see if the vines have budded,
if their blossoms have opened,
and if the pomegranates are in bloom—
there I will give you my love.
(Song of Solomon 4:3-7; 7:9b-11 NIV)

That being said, how does one find this joy?  How does one acquire a sex life with one’s spouse that is beautiful and glorifying to God?

Men, it starts with us.  For many marriages, sex is understood as nothing more than a marital right.  And it is treated as such.  Sex, if it even happens, is about pleasing the man and making some babies.  There is nothing really beautiful about it.  And, more often than not, women are left unsatisfied.

This is why it begins with us.  We have a responsibility to our wives to help them find their joy in us as their husbands.  We are to seek out what it is that pleases them and do everything in our power to do that for them.

As a side result of the wife being satisfied, we as the husbands will also be satisfied.

And as love and joy are found by both partners, enjoyment increases and the picture of God as separate yet one can be more fully recognized.  As we enjoy sex with our spouses, we are also worshiping God for worship is not limited to singing songs, reading the Bible, and praying, but also in enjoying all the good things that He has given us in life.

As a result of enjoying sex, the sex life actually improves as well. As we worship God with our bodies in this way, our relationship deepens with our spouse.  This is why sex is so important to a healthy marriage.  It is in these intimate times that we learn more about each other.

When it becomes dull

There almost inevitably will come a time, even if it is just one day in a hundred, when simply laying together and making love will seem dull.  These are the times when the sex life of a marriage begins to fall by the wayside.  And, as a further result, sometimes, the rest of the marriage as well.  What do you do?  How do you maintain a sex life that is pleasurable and glorifying to God?

Trying new positions is always an option.  There is absolutely no Scriptural support for the idea that man must always be on top.  In fact, what position is used is nowhere to be found in the Bible at all.  These details are left up to the individuals in the relationship.  Outside of Christianity, though, much has been said regarding this aspect of sexuality.

Hindu’s have a work called the Kama Sutra.  In this work, sex is spoken of as a spiritual matter and what position one uses lends itself to different connections with the Divine.  I won’t go that far, but I do believe that a different position every once in a while can keep things interesting enough as to maintain a joyous and God-glorifying sex life.

In the end

Sex is vitally important to a healthy marriage.  Regardless of whether or not you believe that having sex is an act of worship, you cannot over-estimate the important role that sex plays in a healthy marriage.  Each aspect of a healthy sex life, from foreplay to orgasm, is designed to magnify pleasure and make the marriage relationship that much more intimate.  And in the end, a healthy sex life does indeed glorify God, whether you want to admit it or not.

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One thought on “The Good Marriage: Sex

  1. mssc54 says:

    I completely agree. I have heard men who claim they are Christian say that anything in the marriage bed is undefiled.

    Okay then, let us all imagine that God is in the bed (or where ever) with us while we are making love to our spouse. After all if you are a believer He says He will never leave nor forsake us. So there He is with you in that bed (or where ever).

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